The view from the coach car and what that has to do with food and the single girl.

We grow a lot of corn in this country. You may think you know this already, but until you've watched it roll by your window, hour after hour, you really have no clear idea. I found myself thinking that somebody better be turning a lot of it into alternative fuel, because if we're eating every bit of it, we are all going to turn into cows.

I admit to eating my share while on the train; there was a lot of serious snacking mixed in with all the reading and and all the sleeping. As a matter of fact, I've since shaken almost as much cheese flavored popcorn from my hair as was consumed, and have been finding it, Hansel-and-Gretel style, all through the house.

And I hate that I'm making such a mess. Muffin Uptown was been house- and pet-sitting for me while I was gone, and she's left everything in such perfect shape that one would never know I'd been away. It's all just as I left it, with one small the exception.

There's food in my house.

I don't know what I'm going to do. I'm afraid I'm going to have to cook something. So much of what she's left here has to be prepared in some way before it can be eaten. I just left the refrigerator (where I was cooling my head) and while I was standing there, I counted 12 fresh eggs.

What in God's name am I going to do with 12 eggs? That's 6 batches of Duncan Hines' brownies, 6 Betty Crocker German Chocolate cake mixes, or 4 suppers of egg salad and olive sandwiches. In my experience, those are the only reasons to have fresh eggs in the refrigerator.

And that's not the worst of it. There are squash and zucchini in the crisper. There are tomatoes, fresh spinach, 3 kinds of cheese, grapes, bacon (oh my God!), half a cantaloupe, apples, and--well, you get the idea.

I don't even really have time to be blogging right now; I have to get busy. That's just the way it goes, when you have children. Here I am, having just returned from a long business trip, and my tired ass has to set about eating a great many fruits and vegetables right away.

You can be sure that as soon as I see her again, I'm going to have a serious talk with Ms. Uptown about her eating habits. Doesn't she know that somebody has to be in charge of eating all the corn that this great nation is growing?