Oh yes, I see what you mean. I suppose I could have just had the air conditioning fixed.

I was going to elaborate on my new car buying experience, back before I was sidetracked by an unanticipated trip to hell and back.

I have a friend who buys a new car every couple of years; she starts researching in the Spring, and then, right before the new models come out in the Fall, she has her car detailed and heads over to the dealership to negotiate a really smart trade.

I, on the other hand, simply wait until somebody points out that my tires are going bald. Someone will have to call this to my attention though, because unless something is demanding to be fed, petted, or paid, I can't be bothered. And anybody knows that it's way more fun to buy a new car than a new set of tires. Or to have the air conditioning serviced.

So once I've decided to buy a new car, I usually just pull into the first lot I pass on my way home from work. I will stop to grab the maps, emergency tampons, and CDs from the glovebox, but other than that, they take possession of the car in its functioning condition. In other words, I let them deal with the empty Diet Coke bottles and Hostess Cupcake packages rolling around in the back. And on the passenger side floorboard. And in the trunk.

As someone who loves being the center of attention, I know that nothing gets folks' attention like a business transaction in the thousands of dollars. There's no competing with that easy, back-and-forth banter that happens when one person knows the other is about to make them a lot of money. I knew I could pretty much count on getting to a quick first-name basis with a perfectly dressed, perfect stranger, provided I was willing to give him a copy of my driver's license, registration, and proof of insurance. Which, it so happens, I most certainly was.

But oh, but what an unfulfilling major-purchase experience I had. Perhaps my salesperson should give up his career in the car business and go back to college. True, he did make the sale, but you should know that I was pretty much prepared to make a deal with a monkey, provided he had the keys and was authorized to give the go for a test drive. But this guy? He totally ruined the very best part of the whole process.

He Ma'amed all the flirt right out of me.