You there. Look sharp.

I haven't been able to ascertain whether it's an issue of fashion, comfort, or profit--but lately, clothing manufacturers are shaving the t-shirts just a little too thin for my taste. They're all thin enough to read through, but the white ones are the worst. Sometimes I have to wear two t-shirts layered together, just to ensure that my office mates aren't compairing notes on my freckles.

On Friday, I stepped into the Ladies' Room on the way to class to check my lipstick and realized that my freckles weren't the only things subject to display. Despite all the clothes I was wearing, anyone who cared to look could see my nipples clearly enough to count them.

"So what?" you say, "Everybody has them."

And to this I say, "Indeed."

However, my two nipples are actually quite unique. They are even--it would appear--unique from one another. My nipples on that day were so unique as to be of separate minds. My nipples were intent on taking two separate trips. That is, one gazed slightly South, while the other had Easterly aspirations.

And thus I was forced to completely forgo my daily lipstick check so I could sort and sift things out. I headed to class knowing that nothing I could do--short of a bulky cardigan--could ease the trauma I was about to inflict upon the 22 people who, prior to that day, would have sworn upon a stack of bibles that I didn't even have nipples.

All for the want of a decent white t-shirt.

Image, Square America.